I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
