can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
