Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
