I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
