I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
