you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
