All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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