Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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