He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
