If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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