I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
