OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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