Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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