I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
