I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
