You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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