haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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