the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
