Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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