oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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