I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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