i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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