he puts the penis in happiness.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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