I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
