i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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