Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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