the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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Every concussion has its silver lining
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
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Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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