watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
