she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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