my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
