brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
