I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was like eating out sand paper
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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