dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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