It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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