Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
