So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
did i just pee glitter
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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