i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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