Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
