so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
