i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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