Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
