So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
