Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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