no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
