He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
