wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
