theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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