Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
