i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
