I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
