I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
