Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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