Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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