a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
