omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
