literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
