Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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