There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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