Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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