did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
