he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
