The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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