I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
