Can i not drive my cunt home
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got inside last night via doggy door
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
