69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
