Four minutes until I can fart!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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