He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
