I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
