he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
