i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
