the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
