Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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