just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
