u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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