to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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